so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
