Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
