that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
