I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
