So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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