Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
where are you?
Hypothermia
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
