I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
