flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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