not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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