Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
