did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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