Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
