I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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