Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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