If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
