There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
