I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
