your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You can't just leave with hair like that
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
