im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
