Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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