I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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