I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
