I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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