I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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