when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
