i permit you to call me
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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