Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
