problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I could fuck to npr.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
