If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
