Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I would ride that face into the sunset
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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