By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I wish there were birth control emojis
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
