When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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