my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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