You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
as a side note pls kill me
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
