We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
