I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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