Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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