Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
