I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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