And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
