I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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