Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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