hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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