Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
