He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
