then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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