I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
