HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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