we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
