It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
