you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
be right there i have to get my cape
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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