I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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