Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
