I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
